ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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