She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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