I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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