Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
