Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
