Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize