You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
