her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
