i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
