Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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