Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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