Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
