can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
