i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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