I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
