the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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