does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
