i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
