Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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