I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
