I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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