It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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