how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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