At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
