The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
