fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
