I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
this just has baby written all over it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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