If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
