I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
