I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
