For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
