a queef is a wish your heart makes.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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