Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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