I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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