grandma shit on top of the toilet
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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