last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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