youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
