Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
this beer tastes like vomit already
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
