I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
