And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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