so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
