worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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