all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
