so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
