my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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