what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
