Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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