So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
