i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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