Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
