walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
