I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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