Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
