alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
