i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize