in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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