who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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