i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
