I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
