I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
