I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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