So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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