11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
