never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
