It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
