Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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