is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
