Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize