I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
