i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
