fuck your aforementioned shoe
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
