Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im holly from the hills drunk
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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