Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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