One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
